She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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