I'm gonna have a badass scar
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
