I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
