I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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