i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
