Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
