I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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