My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
