Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
