Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My nipple is on Facebook.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
