I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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