But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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