how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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