Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize