I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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