doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
