You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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