When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
