I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
