highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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