I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
