even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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