it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
