HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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