pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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