Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
