So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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