I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
