Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
