I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
