the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
