Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
