; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
