Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
