3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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