i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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