I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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