In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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