Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
