Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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