I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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