I hate all girls vehemently.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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