Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
