I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
