So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
