oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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