Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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