dude i'm inner monologue high
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
