they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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