Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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