yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
