my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
