genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dignity is for republicans.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize