my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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