Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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