ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
