My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
