no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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