there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
