is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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