I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
