Princesses don't give blow jobs
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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