everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
