yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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