No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's shark week go big or go home
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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