i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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