He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
