The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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