Can Purell be used as lube?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
