Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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