she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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