I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need a beard to bite.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
