we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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