I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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