I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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